he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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