I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Randomize
