i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
