that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
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Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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