Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
