If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
