Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
