On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
