...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
