like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
