all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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