I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
