It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
