who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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