I puked a lego.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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