I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
