It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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