they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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