dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
