Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
