I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
