I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
