honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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