i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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