I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
