That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
