"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
