That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
