I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
They have beer where we have blood.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
