The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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