Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
