oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
