It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
