He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
