so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
