it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Send help, water and tortillas.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
