there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
