You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
