He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
