epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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