Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I want a musical about memes.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
