when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
