I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm gonna fight the coyote
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
