Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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