not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We're too hungover to prance.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
