i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
50% drunk capacity currently
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
