dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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