You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
