I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
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If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
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Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize