i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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