You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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