he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
