it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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