i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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