My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
