Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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