two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
