he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize