My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
