My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
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You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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