She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
