I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
