I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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