New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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