id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
