You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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