This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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