She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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