There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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