had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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