I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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