Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
