if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
