so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
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