How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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