I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
